Updated: Feb 23, 2020
I knew that I was pregnant from the very beginning. It seems as if everything changed. My body felt different, my conversations shifted and overnight my priorities changed.
For many woman having a baby is exciting from the moment that they find out they are pregnant. Well for me, it was different - while I am happily married to an amazing man I didn’t except to have a baby just a few short months after saying “I do”. I had “plans”, things to do and I just couldn’t see where a baby would fit - I was being selfish.
God humbly reminded me to be careful about what you ask for because I’ve always prayed to have children after marriage (I never said how long after). It was at that humbling moment that I began to get excited about the blessing, the human and life changer that was growing on the inside of me. I went from being boarder line depressed and not wanting to deal with my reality to looking for a midwife and planning a home birth. The thought of being responsible for a baby scared me to death and I literally over thought EVERYTHING but God somehow gave me strength and encouragement every single day.
I met my midwife and instantly knew that she was the one for me. While I had no one to ask personal questions about a home birth, I felt deep down in my soul that this was the journey for me. I didn’t care to be in a hospital confined to a bed and told to push a baby out while laying on my back. I wanted to birth my baby in a environment that was familiar, comfortable and peaceful. I wanted...to be HOME!
The day that changed me forever was finally here. I prayed that I would be able to work until the end of my pregnancy and that is exactly what was granted. Just a few hours after working I was in labor (I thought that it was Braxton Hicks). My midwife did such a great job preparing my mind and body for the experience that I labored through the night alone, it was very peaceful to say the least. I woke my mother and husband up around 3:45 A.M.to say “I think I’m in labor”, proceeded to contact my midwife around 5:30 A.M. and my baby girl was in my arms after only 45 minutes of pushing.
To say that she is a blessing would be a understatement. I’ve never felt so free in my entire life. Birthing her natural showed me just how strong a woman can be. She freed me in so many ways from things that I didn’t realize I was enslaved to, birthing her has birthed a new woman in me and there is no turning back. It’s amazing how God will take the very thing that you're “afraid” of and show you that you are already prepared, chosen and equipped. I’ve learned to be quiet and simply show up. Living is the best teacher and I’m thankful for the life that my baby girl has given to me. It has only been a few months but I can honestly say that Motherhood has been thee best gift that I didn’t know I wanted let alone needed. Kylo is the best part of Me - because of that I vow to show up for her and be the best version of myself...today that is being Kylo's mother.
Thank God for allowing his plan to go forth without my “approval”.